Thursday, December 29, 2005

Loopy Loopy Loopy Loopy LOOPY!!!!!!!!

HEY!!!!! WUSSUP FOLKS?! The happy me is back (although not because of my adoring fans threats...I could whoop all ya pansies with one hand!). No, it's all thanx to the wonderful miracle drug: PAXIL! Yes, Paxil. I can rest, I don't stay mad for very long, and I am absolutely happy go lucky now. This is great, but it is tempered by one little thing: IT HAS MADE ME LOOPY TODAY! AbSoLuTeLy LoOpY! WoOpIeE!!!!! Loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy...I'm as loopy as a flippin roller coaster!!!! WEE-HEE! NOW I HaVe to Go sO I cAn StArT cLeAnInG!!!! YAY!!! I gEt tO CLEAN!!! WOOPIE!!! (woopie sounds kinda like loopy!) loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy loopy looppy loopy lopy loopy lopopy loopyloo...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Sorry to sucker ya...

Alright people, I'm starting to get the feeling that I have suckered some of you into thinking I'm some cool person just like the rest of my family, albeit a little troubled. Well, you're wrong. I'm nothing like my fam. Here's the DL:

Dad: Super smart Veterinarian. Is also a welder, carpenter, plumber, electrician and family man on the side. Cares about everyone and you'll almost never see him angry(unless he's mad at me...). A true devout christian who lives his beliefs and has the willpower to stick to his morals no matter what.

Mom: Super smart Accountant/Payroll Clerk. She is also a Sunday School teacher on the side, as well as a awsomely caring and loving mother/wife.

Ram: The oldest of the trio. Super beautiful, smart and witty. Fits in with any crowd (wether they know it or not) and has huge talent with instruments, art and working with kids/people.

Beef: Youngest of the trio. Super smart, handsome and witty (albeit most of the time his wit is sarcastic). Knows almost everything there is to know about guns, corvettes, Constitutional Rights(when it comes to guns and free speech) and present-day politics. Is following in Dad's footsteps with the handyman thing.

And finally:

Me: Middle of the trio. I am not smart, nor am I very handsome. I am told I have a good way with kids, but I really don't like to be around them much anymore(long story...don't ask). I have an extremely short fuse that ignites an extremely hot temper. I hate myself and so I lash out at everyone and everthing around me. I am also the farthest thing from a christian you can be(excluding devil-worship).

Biggest difference: My family is classy and friendly and straight forward. I am tasteless, psudo-friendly and have a shady reason behind everything I do.

Now you have the facts, you won't be fooled anymore. Goodnight.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Daydreams, Nightdreams, Dreams in general.

I know what you're thinking: "Two blogs in one day?!" Yes, but the first gripe out blog was just that, a full-of-hot-air gripe out blog. Sorry.
Now for the real blog today. I had a dream lastnight, well, two actually. And they were nightmares to tell the truth. To give a little background, the first dream is one I have had almost every night to the same effect for the last 5 years.
Dream 1: I was standing on a beach in California, in front of a big dais, the kind the preacher stands on at a wedding. I was wearing a tux and waiting paitently in front of a huge crowd. In this dream it is the happiest day of my life, and my face shows it. If you haven't guessed yet, it's my wedding. But not just any wedding: suddenly the love of my life(my ex-fiance Candie) comes walking down the ailse(sp?) in the most beautiful wedding dress and looking absolutely ravishing. We say our "I do's" and all that ya-ya.
Now, this isn't what you think: "That should be a happy dream!" It's a nightmare because it was the one thing (if I could pick one thing in my life to have had happen, this would have been it) I REALLY wanted. Well, I usually wake up crying in the middle of the night(yeah, I know, what a wuss)
Dream 2: It is usually not the same, but it always ends the same: waking up feeling very frustrated that it did not come true... Ok, I was walking down the road to buy a coke from the conveniance store when a Semi truck hits me.
Short dream, but a good one. If only...
Oy Vey!
I don't make it TOO obvious that I despise myself, do I?

Input? Nope, just the output...

Allright folks, I was asked to write a book and I started one. All I asked for was input...did I get any? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So, in light of this, the book is being cancelled. I figure since people didn't respond to the second episode, it sucks. Don't worry, I'm not mad...I agree. It suck big time. So, my career as a writer will for ever be in the "I've got great ideas, but they suck when put on paper" mode. Hmmmm, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Goodnight folks.

P.S.- Discom, it's REALLY hard to fool me with things like beauty...(man, If I keep going on like this it's going to start sounding like I'm hitting on you...sorry) Although, sure I'll join your army. Can I be the strategic counsel? General? The guy that says, "You heard the lady, now MOVE!!!!!"? Oh, that's the drill seargent...

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Psychological problems? Nope, just me.

I was doin a bit of thinkin tonight as I mopped the floors and I came to the conclusion...well, several conclusions actually. I also have my christmas list made up. I'll give you the concl. first.

  1. Discom is REALLY hot. Yeah, what a woman...she must also have a personality to match if Ram and Beef like her so much.
  2. I have the best family in the world. No, really! Who else would put up with me even half of what they do?
  3. I hate holidays.

Ok, now that the 3 conclusions are done, I'll share with you my christmas list:

  1. Jonathan to find a beautiful, loving and intelligent woman sometime soon to marry him and take care of him (oh yeah, and treat him right)
  2. Laura to lose all the stress over the holidays and begin the new year a fresh, soon to be happily married woman.
  3. My parents to become debt-free so they can do the things they want to do.
  4. My friends to find inner peace and for life to start giving them what they really deserve, no more of this trash that is usually thrown thier way.
  5. !0 million dollars so I can aid in making the above come true.
  6. For me to find inner peace with myself and learn to forgive myself so I can finally become the person I have always wished I was.
  7. A cyanide-spiked glass of punch so (after I have dealt out the money from #5) I can make #6 come true and further aid in the first 4.

Well, that's about it...I think. I couldn't tell you which one I wanted most, but it is probably a tie between #5 and #7....My family and friends really need the money and I really need to die...problems would be solved all the way around right?

I've got to go now and find some dark corner in which to curl up, hate myself and cry my damn fool self to sleep.

Goodnight folks.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

RF Chapter 1 cont.

John stayed heading south-west for only a few minutes before he turned the MC toward the base and open the throttle again. Within a few short moments John was stopping at the outer perimiter fence and being checked through by the gaurds at the gate. The stars were out in full and the planet's four moons shone brightly tonight. It was going to be a shame to have to waste what was left of the evening in a briefing...
John returned to his room in the HQ (being the commander of an outpost on the outer-rim of human controlled space had a few perks, this being one of them). He sat down in the floating chair that awaited him there and it promptly moved him in behind his desk.
"Computer, pull up the com relay and send burst signal to Admiral Stanton." John really didn't want to talk to the brass tonight, it was so lovely outside. He lit a cigarette and the chair leaned backwards, reclining him so he could put his feet up on the desk and relax.
"Sending burst signal now via com relay three...burst signal sent, locating recipient...located. Admiral D.V. Stanton of the United Republic of Sol Flagship Hyrophant, military code 345-6--"
"Skip the crap computer, where is the Hyrophant currently?"
"The Andarii orbit around Tau Theta II...on course for Karzn V, Sigma Base."
What in the world is the fleet doing in the--"
A small holographic screen suddenly materialized above the desk. The Admiral's face took up the majority of the screen.
"Captain Rames, good to see you. How's my daughter doing?" the face on the desk asked.
"Arla is fine, sir. She's off on an MC she built herself chasing my patrols around..."
"Good to hear, good to hear. I bet your wondering why I have brought the fleet to the Andarii system. Well, don't ask, I'll go ahead and fill you in. You've been reassigned to the starcruiser the URS Leviathan. You are to be stationed there starting as soon as we make orbit around Karzn V."
"Space duty? But why, sir? I'm a marine captain, not a navy boy. I belong here with my men."
"Don't question your orders Captain, your men will be going with you. Sigma base is being disbanded."
As soon as that had been said, the holo-com relay faded and shut down.
John lit another cigarette. He needed time to think. He had only four days to pack up the base and get his men ready for the dropships.
After leaving the HQ, John once again boarded his MC, it was time for that pleasure cruise. He sped off into the night racing the wind in a random direction. He was thinking about his conversation with the admiral and not his driving, so it was not a huge surprise when his MC's port stabilizer was sheared off by a boulder he came too close to. He bounced across the grass for a few meters, his MC rolling beside him. He finally came to a stop, lying on his back. He got up and checked himself for injuries, nothing seemed wrong for the moment. The MC was another story was a huge ball of twisted metal and wires...trash. He was right about to head back toward base for the long walk he knew lay ahead of him when he heard a faint sound, like a child crying.

Should John investigate? Should he return back to base straight away? Should he call out to whoever is making the sound?

Hope you're still enjoying, remember: I need your input!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Rapid Fire

First of all, and on a note that is totally unrelated to this blog, I'm jealous! I don't ever get to meet punks.
Ok, now that that is said, we get to the point of this blog. Ram, you said I should write a book? Sure! On one condition: you help me (and every other blogger who reads each episode on this blogsite. At the end of every episode(chapter etc...) I will give you readers a choice and I want y'all to give me your input. You will be directing the way the story goes.
For example: John Rames runs in to a creature that looks threatening, but has not made any moves toward him yet. Does he shoot it or wait to see what it does?
I hope y'all understand how this works and I really would like y'all to participate! Here goes...
Chapter One
John Rames looked out over the cliffside at the sunset this alien world had to offer. With it's many shades of greens, blues and violets, it wasn't hard to appreatiate the difference from one of Earth's. The breeze blew his long black hair from his forehead where it had been laying forgotten and continued it's way down the ravine to the small colony a couple miles south. One could only guess what was going on in his mind as his blue eyes gazed at the many wonders this alien world could produce. The sounds of the karaz birds looking for one last meal of the day floated down from above.
The sunset only last a few seconds, time on this world being what it was, but he would see another one before a standard earth-day passed. As soon as night fell, a black and silver MC-350 all-purpose single man patrol vehicle pulled up. The man riding it wore the black fatigues of a marine, "Captain, the Admiral's on the horn... sounds serious. You are to report back to him, ASAP."
John half-turned, "Understood, Private. I'll be there shortly." John wasn't wearing his uniform, but he mused that the private most likely knew who he was, not from his face, but from the fact that he was the only person on Karzn V who wore blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather trenchcoat that matched his black boots.
As soon as the private had left, John turned to his own MC-350, or "MadCat". The MC was basically a motorcycle that hovered three and a half feet off the ground. Capable of extremely high speeds and two fixed machineguns on the front, it was the favored vehicle for marine scout and recon teams. John mounted his and started it. The on-board computer flashed to life and the MC rose. He kicked the accelerator and his madcat tore off through the fields away from the ravine heading south-west. Maybe he would take the long way back to base...
Will John head stright back to base, or will he go for a mid-night pleasure cruise?
Hope you're enjoyin it! Remember, the story can't progress without your input!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Loser means.....Me

L- Lathargic
O- Overtalkitive
S- Stupid
E- Empty-headed
R- Retard

These are a few of the many words that describe me, folks. Yes, it's true. Now you may be saying, "Hey, that Killjoy is one cool dude!" Sorry, you've been duped. I'm actually a moron traipsing around like a normal person. Maybe idiot is a better word...hmmm. I'll have to think about that one. Anyways, it's time fopr me to go and for you to sigh a huge sigh of relief that this blog is finally over. Goodnight.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Diary of a Freedom Fighter Pt. 2

December 13, 2005

We ran the raid on the radioshack last night. It was the first time I have ever taken a life. I'm just gald it was one of those stinkin garden gnomes! We entered through the front door(those gnomes treat the front door like the backdoor, backwards buttheads...) and proceeded cautiosly as we regrouped in the funiture section. Tammy decided we should split up and cover more ground quicker so as not to be there that long... it was not a good idea.
At first, there were no sightings except one. Jordan found one near the checkout counter with his back turned on her. Stupid gnome lost his head at the faint puff of a silenced 9mm. After that, all hell broke loose. Three of the freaks dropped on Tammy from above and took her out quickly. Joey stood up and let loose with his 12 gauge in to the trio after they had finisehed Tammy, only to be taken out by the sniper. There was a general retreat called and we fought like rabid wolves toward the exit.
We made it back to the high school and regrouped. Lucy never showed...God help her soul. I can't say if it was worth it or not, but I did take some solace in the fact that they lost more "men" than we did. We lost three, they lost at least fifteen. Poor Joey, and he had the only street howitzer...

Monday, December 12, 2005

Diary of a Freedom Fighter Pt. 1

Dec. 12, 2005
It's been three months since they came and took over. In the beginning, it was just an outlying house here and there. We didn't think much of it then. We should have though, yes, we should have! They finally attacked the city outright a month and a half ago. They didn't take prisoners, no, they just took lives. The casualties were enormous!
So far, a small group of us has managed to stay low and avoid being seen by the treacherous little bastards. Lawn ornaments-my aunt's left arm! We have stock-piled weapons, ammo and supplies in the high school, but there just isn't enough of us to wage an all-out war on them. We now believe they may have taken prisoners, a few mind you. We've seen thier agents walking down the street in broad daylight...Jonny thought they were allies. They weren't. They were the enemies's agents: zombified humans! Poor Jonny, they drug him off to the police station-their main HQ. We have decided to strike back. Hopefully someday we can mount a rescue, if it's not too late.
We number only six now after Jonny was taken. WE plan a coup tonight against the Radioshack a block away. We are hoping this strike might provide us with some intel on just how bad our situation is. Are we totally alone in this fight? How many of the evil midgets are there? Can we hope to win with guerilla-warfare? Only time will tell. Well, I'm off now, I'll try to write again later.
FFFC(Freedom Fighter First Class)

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Laugh if you must...

I'm usually too ashamed to share my writing with anybody, but tonight I decided to make an exception. Now, don't say:"Killjoy, you must be a good writer," cuz I'm not. I've written at least 20 books and all of them were dropped after the second chapter, no later, pending thier cornyness. Like I said before though, I decided to share with you something that just popped into my head this morning while I was working(with the most severe headache mind you...come to think of it, this might be headache-inspired...).

We followed a man,
And knew Pride.
We followed our pride,
And knew War.
We followed war,
And knew Death.
We followed death,
And knew The Value Of Life.
We followed life,
And knew Beauty.
We followed beauty,
And knew Women.
We followed a woman,
And knew a Child.
We followed a child,
And knew Love.
We followed love,
And we knew Passion.
We followed...
And knew Self-Destruction.
Well, there you have it folks. Laugh if you must, don't worry. You won't hurt my feelings. Goodnight.
Oh and, is it me, or are my blogs getting stupider and stupider?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Huntin' 'bots...

Hello folks!
Wanna join my hunting party? Let me explain before you answer. I am out hunting internet bots. These I-bots are also known as pop-ups. THEY ARE EVIL! How do you hunt I-bots you ask? EASY! Just follow the instructions below:
  1. Go to your favorite search engine and type in a random vague search subject.
  2. Now that your browser is becoming full of "interesting" links about said vague subject, click on one at random (farther from the top is better, they are more likely good hunting grounds)
  3. Wait for your chosen hunting site to load....good. If this truly is a jucy hunting ground you'll have several targets, or:prey.
  4. You'll notice a little red "X" at the top-right of the prey's head. We I-bot hunters call this the "brain".
  5. Click or "Shoot" the brain to kill your current target. Can you hit it with just one shot?
  6. Now, always remember to use caution when hunting I-bots, the BULL I-bots(usually porn ads) tend to stampede when one is taken out.
  7. Note: There is no legal limit to how many I-bots you can kill in one "hunting season" so feel free to give in to those genocidal urges.
  8. Always use correct "mouse-saftey" techniques!!!! One bad shot in some hunting grounds can blow you into an I-bots breeding ground!(these are also usually porn sites) We encourage hunters to have fun, but use caution! We've lost too many unfortunately careless hunters to thier breeding ground-torture techniques, they will turn you into a slave!

This has been a posting of the "Killjoy's I-bot Exterminator Foundation" or KIEF. Have a good day.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Oh God, I'm coming down!!!!

Shoot, this week is finally over people! FINALLY! Sometimes I think the weekend will never come, and sometimes it doesn't. But seriously, I was pondering the size of the galaxy today it made me think...I CAN FIT IT IN MY PANTS, BUT NOT MY BUTT!!!! Holy cow! Ram, I'd rather have the "my pants are too big" syndrome than the "Hey! You like plumber's crack? I got plenty of it!!!!" syndrome. I weigh a woppin 220! I used to be 165! WHAT IN THE SAM-HELL HAPPENED TO MY BUTT?! It's like a freakin' elephant has been welded there! SHEESH!

I need to go mourn my fatness and eat something...